


Reversal

by Drake



Series: Life of a Runner [2]
Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: F/M, Gen, Multi, Unrequited Love, s4m22 spoilers, s4m23 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-01
Updated: 2015-12-01
Packaged: 2018-05-04 06:52:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5324669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drake/pseuds/Drake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Runner Five is on the wrong side of the wall, and everything she's held in pours out.</p><p>unrequited sam/five</p><p>2nd person here, if that's more your thing >> http://archiveofourown.org/works/5324891</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reversal

**Author's Note:**

> Ace!Five/Sam has been my ship since the beginning and season 4 has wounded me many times. I love Sam/Maxine/Paula, don't get me wrong, but my inner Five would burn the world for Sam, and I'm under the impression that she shelves her feelings to keep him happy, and not get in the way. Five's like that, giving up everything to keep others happy and safe.
> 
> Sometimes it's hard to be heroic and stoic and not say anything. This is one of those times.

One minute she was straining to hold the security door up. The next, Sam had slipped past her, and the door had slammed shut, at risk of taking her arm if she hadn't pulled it back fast enough. She frantically looked for another way to open it - _she_ was the one who was supposed to be in there, supposed to throw herself into danger. _Not_ Sam. _Not Sam._

The next, she was racing to the east wing, looking for the room he was in. When she found him, staring out the window, she was desperate to find a way to pry the bars off of the window. Sam's quip about not having time to start a skeletal diet almost made her shriek in frustration. The calm, quiet, heroic Five was gone. Five was only calm in the face of her own danger. Not in the face of the one thing that was important to her being stuck in a _school full of zombies._ And with a zombie over his shoulder that _looked like her_ and kept moaning 'Greenshoot.'

 _'Five, you have to take my daughter.'_ The words were hazy. Five was in what could only be called denial - she flatly refused that Sam would hand off his daughter to her and not try to get out. Regardless, despite how much she wanted it not to be true, there was a baby being handed to her a moment later. She took the baby. Cradled it in one arm. Grabbed Sam's hand with the other before he could pull it back. He looked startled, looking over his shoulder for a moment, realizing that zombie-Five was looking confused in the middle of the room, probably wondering where the baby went.

"Five, you have to go. They're going to break in soon. I don't want...Please be gone by then."

" _Sam..._ " she started, the word choking out. She squeezed Sam's hand tighter, unable to let go. She instead tried to memorize how it felt. The soft calluses that were so different from her own, made rough by smashing zombie heads and not from the communications shack controls.

"Five, _get out of here._ " He started to pull his hand away, looking over his shoulder again to make sure zombie-Five wasn't moving. She didn't let him go. She couldn't. The one thing she couldn't do.

Runner Five decided she should instead say something. Something she'd been meaning to say, but kept pushing off, until Maxine was pregnant, and then it was too late. She'd put it away, telling herself she would be content if he was happy and safe. But this was too much. She couldn't leave him without saying anything. It felt a lot like throwing herself into a grinder, and far too much like saying goodbye. But she had to.

"Sam, I...I'll take your daughter home. I promise. Just...I have to say something."

" _Quick,_ Five," he responded, looking at her strangely. She never interrupted missions, never delayed.

"I...I love you, Sam. I always have. Since the beginning." It took everything she had to start the words, sentences she'd locked away to never speak. It took effort to dig them out.

"Wha-" Sam looked at her, his hand slack in hers.

"You're the only thing that's kept me going. I would have...I would've given up long ago if it wasn't for you. That first day, probably, but also that one night. And countless times after. I couldn't have done any of those things I've done without you. I need _you_. You have to...you _have_ to come back. _Please_."

"Five...I..." Sam looked hesitant, his voice wavering as it only did when he sent her straight into the face of danger.

"I know." Here she was, holding Sam and Maxine and Paula's baby in one hand. Not hers, never hers. And here she was, holding Sam's hand like a lifeline in the other. Both sides couldn't reconcile. They didn't need to. She just needed him to know. Couldn't live with herself if she never said anything. "You have Maxine, Paula, and your daughter. I never...I was content. As long as you were happy and safe, I didn't need anything else. But I...I need you to come back."

Sam stared at her like she was the zombie-Five, and the real Five was over his shoulder, drooling 'Greenshoot'. She wished she was, so she could keep him safe. Five never asked for anything. Not extra food, not new shoes, not another sports bra (she collected enough that it didn't matter, but regardless). She did her best to not need anything beyond what she was given, even as her headset wore away to the plastic rubbing against her ear. She supposed she took to heart the first order she got from Abel (other than 'Run') which was 'everyone here pulls their weight.' Regardless. Five never asked for anything. And here she was, asking Sam for something he might not be able to give. It was no wonder he looked at her like she'd replaced herself with a zombie.

"You need to go," Sam said, looking away and swallowing thickly. Clearly resigned.

" _Please_." Her voice broke, vision blurry with tears. Sam's attention immediately refocused to her pain, despite not necessarily wanting to.  She'd done so much for Abel, and here he was, unable to do anything for her. Except lie.

"Okay."

Five froze.

"I'll see you back at Abel, okay, Five?" Sam's voice was even. "Take care of my daughter until then."

She squeezed his hand one last time, nodded, and turned away. He was right, after all. They did need to go. The wire-jawed zombies had found them again, and were still deadly. In the back of her head, she knew he was lying. She tried to convince herself he was telling the truth.

\---

Not five minutes later, when she heard his agonized screams, his cries of _'It hurts!_ ' before all transmission cut, she broke. Carrying the baby, heedless of who was with her, what was around them, or who was listening, she wailed.

"Come back. _Comebackcomebackcomeback!_ "

\---

Sam, she had discovered, was the one thing she could not live without.

After she had returned to Abel, Owen at her side, baby in her arms, tears streaming down her face, she handed the girl off to Maxine. And promptly ran off, to the farthest, darkest corner of Abel she could find. There, she sat in the dirt, behind a bush, and covered her mouth to hide the sound of her sobbing. Her headset lay around her neck, but she ignored any crackle of sound that came from it.

Distantly, she heard Jodie shouting for her.

She did not respond.

\---

Runner Five could not hide forever. She needed to eat, as much as she didn't want to.

No one talked to her, and she didn't talk to anyone. She was taken off the roster for active missions, though all of the non-critical ones were suspended for the moment anyway. Abel was recovering from the bombs, from the zombie attack, and from Sam's death.

No one was really talking, anyway.

\---

She did not want to take the next mission. She also was not good at denying mission orders.

She was glad she did, when she opened a dumpster and found a cold, wet Sam curled up in it. She started crying. Again.

"Runner Five?! Get back!"

His distinctively not-zombieifed, not-raspy, not-coughing voice did the exact opposite. She wanted to dive into that dumpster and hug the life out of him. He flinched away from her, curled around himself, wincing in pain. She dragged him out of the dumpster, even as he tried to struggle away from her, clearly not wanting to infect her. She looked him up and down once, confirming he was still _Sam_ , and wrapped her arms around him hard enough to bruise.

" _Five_!" He squeaked in alarm.

"Yell at me later," she responded. He sighed, and relaxed slightly in her arms.

Nothing else mattered. He was alive.


End file.
